Sunday, August 22, 2010

Gotta share this/Third post's a charm

Right?! Ok---so I have been bragging about Flylady today. In fact, I put ONE of her broadcasts on blogradio on today---and listed to it ALL AFTERNOON. Over and over and over again.
I will share photos another day---but I now have decorative "checklists" posted in each room. The kitchen's list is on the fridge, the bathrooms on the back of the door (velcro is a wonderful thing! And, its under a door hook so all I have to do, should I want to cover it for some unknown reason, is hang a towel!), the living room is tucked behind a display photo-with a pretty ribbon showing so I(he!) knows where it is, same with bedroom!), laundry is inside the cupboard above the dryer...) This is simply her list, edited by me, that tells me (or, as I may call them, "Hubby Helpers"--for when he says "what can I do to help?" I can say, "See the list in thus-and-so-room? Please do it!") what, specifically to do in each room. Let me explain...
There are those of us in this world who get SIDETRACKED very, very easily. Some may be ADHD, some may not have enough time or too many people vying for their attention, or there may be those, like me, who really struggle to stay "in the moment". Something(s) CLICKED for me today big time. We've been dealing with some marital issues and, while my dh (darling hubby) is working on his, he pointed out some of mine. And one of my "biggies" is---staying in the moment. Staying STILL. You see, I was (sexually) abused as a child. One way children deal with abuse is to "separate" themselves from it-literally. Go outside of what's happening at the moment--thinking about anything but. I would be interested in doing a thesis (if I ever decide to finish the degree(s) I've started) on ADHD, PTSS (post traumatic stress syndrome) and well, not being able to focus-which I guess goes back to ADHD...For example, while cleaning the craft work table yesterday-I started a project. Guess what-the table is covered again and I've done 29 gazillion things besides...go back and clean the table. SIDETRACKED! In listening to Flylady's message today on how NOT to be sidetracked---I realized that-she said over and over and over again---you stuck to it. You stayed in the moment. I am SO PROUD of YOU. And that's something else I never heard much of--"I am SO PROUD of you!" If I got a B, I heard how I should have gotten an A. I remember racing home from elementary school ELATED because I got a C in math. I had struggled big time, I sat doing flash cards for countless hours---a C was AWESOME for mother said, "good-maybe next time you can get a B." End of story.
Sigh. Flylady also talks a lot about CLUTTER. Yep, I have piles-piles get moved from place to place, room to room. Why do we have piles? There are those of us who, subconsciously, feel comfortable with piles. Take a look at your office desk. Is there a "barrier" between you and the edge of your desk? Are things lined up along it that creates even a low barrier between you and the person on the other side? What does it do? What does our piles do? It creates just that-a barrier-between us and others. It keeps us "safe" in some mysterious sense of the word. OH MY! The "barriers" have got to GO if I expect INTIMACY in any sort of relationship.
Now, before you go off thinking I am blaming everything that's gone wrong in my life on the little red wagon I never got-you are WRONG! My background is in family science/child development/psychology. I simply saw some significant behaviors today that I can pinpoint back to how I grew up. Flylady also says that our houses did NOT get messy in a day-and won't get CLEAN in a day. Back off, self! It DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT! We DO NOT have to do things as our mother, grandmother or even GREAT grandmothers did. OUR WAY IS OK!
Whew. I am worn out! At 4 pm I learned my husband was on his way home. The house was still trashed. It was ok. I set my timer...for 15 minutes. Flylady says..."You can do ANYTHING for 15 minutes. The other thing was---I DID NOT THINK. My late husband was a recovering alcoholic. He died 13 years sober. One of AA's tenants/policies is...DON'T THINK. So other than, "what can I do for the next 15 minutes that's on ONE OF THE LISTS...I didn't THINK! (Do you know...that depression mimicks the exact same behaviors as alcoholism...without the substance?!) The house, other than some craft items, is back in order. It took many 15 minutes, but with that timer going, with my DECORATIVE CHECKLISTS---I stayed on task! I STAYED FOCUSED! I GOT IT DONE! Now-my goal keep it this way. If I set my ROUTINES, and DO THE will. I need to practice STAYING FOCUSED. I CAN heal. I CAN do this.
PLEASE---check out today! You WILL be blessed! I have been...!
Until next time, happy stamping and scrapping!
Blessings, Sharon

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